How to Understand a Man’s Fear of Commitment
Every relationship has a romantic start, and a very nice process of seeing each other and falling in love. When things are going well, it will reach a point where it will either rise sharply or fall dramatically. This is the point where people decide whether this person they are dating becomes their husband or wife. This “evaluation point” is the hardest part of any relationship.
It is at this point where both will decide whether or not to further commit to each other at a higher level, or eventually break off. Will tears of joy be shed, or tears of sorrow? To most people, marriage is a very, very big decision to make. And this the after-effects of this dilemma spells the either the birth of a newly-weds or the end of a sweet love.
Men are known to avoid commitment like a disease. In order to get him to commit, the past surrounding his fear must be understood, and eventually removed. A child that grows up in a less-than-perfect family is bound to be afraid of threading the same path of his parents. He who has witnessed unhappy marriage in is own family will certainly doubt the need of commitment.
The man’s perception of commitment may hold him back from executing the dreaded word. Commitment to the man may mean loss of freedom, and loss of personal time, both of which he may be enjoying very much. These may be strong enough reasons he is using to stop himself from committing.
A man who is well to do may have financial reasons for not committing. It is a fact that women ask for huge sums of money, or even part of business in a divorce agreement. This problem can be easily solved by having a prenuptial agreement. As for other reasons listed above, a great deal of talking and understanding may be necessary to guide his perceptions of commitment.
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February 26th, 2009 at 4:23 am
Some men just love to date and are not usually ready to commit into marriage even at the age of 30. Especially in the pickup artist and dating community, the industry is very tempting for men.
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:36 am
Yes Taylore, men are more unlikely to settle down. They like freedom and hate to be tied down. I don’ think the dating industry has help men to settle down at all.
January 31st, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Unfortunately, there are far less reasons TO commit than there are NOT TO commit for a man. I will go on the record to state even before I list them that some of them ARE selfish reaons but true nonetheless.
1. Loss of Freedom/Control of his life.
-Even under the best circumstances with a potential mate who probably makes better decisions than he does, most men would be more content to do what they want, when they want, and with whom they want…because good choice or bad choice it was THEIR choice.
2. Sharing.
-I know we are taught all the way back in kindergarten about this theory but you know what…once you become an adult it takes on a much grander scale. Once you commit to someone legally i.e. marriage EVERYTHING you owned now is 50% someone else’s…PERIOD. God forbid things go sour and your marriage fails because now not only do you feel like crap, you potentially have 50% less than you did when you started.
3. “Flipping the script.”
-Frankly put, this is a tactic/trait/practice I don’t know which to appropriately use, but anyway…it’s when everything that was so great about your potential mate (sex drive, personality, caring nature) at the beginning changes or altogether vanishes in some cases. Sometimes this change is almost immediate, in others it slowly happens over time…so slowly that by the time you realize it, it’s too late to “complain” about it. It’s as if the dating period was the “audition” and marriage is finally making it on “Broadway.” Once you’re a celebrity the rules change and you can act how you want with less “repercussions.” Bottom line: “We’re married now…I don’t have to be nice/compliment/take care of/perform that act or position…etc…etc anymore.”
Now, I know..I know…all women are NOT like the aforementioned, but there are enough of them that it makes any man wary of committing ever again. To the women out there that what I’ve mentioned DOESN’T apply to, I wish you luck because the “other” women have made your objective very hard to attain by their actions that have remained very fresh in the minds of the men that they have dated or worse yet…divorced.