April 9th, 2010 | admin | 16 views | 0 Comments »

One of the major causes of breakups  in relationships is a break down in communication.

Looking back on the affect that communication has on relationships, there is an aspect of communication that bears looking at when wanting to build your relationship.

Every person on this planet  starts life as a child, and as a child they develop all the characteristics and communication style of a child – relating to their parents.
This communication style is primarily emotion and feeling based because feelings are the first ‘operating system’ each person has.

As the child grows older they begin to develop the adult style of communication.They have developed the child style, and by observing their parents relating with them, they have subconsciously picked up on the parent style, so in effect, the last communication style they learn about is the adult style.

As an adult, we can consciously, or subconsciously, ’switch’ between the three different communicating styles or ways of relating with the people around us.

Now, here is the interesting part: if a someone speaks to another in, for example, the ‘parent’ style of communicating, it can trigger, almost automatically the ‘child’ in that person. Likewise, if an adult speaks to a child in an emotion-based way, it would not be a surprise then, that the child responds to the emotions and does not really hear or ‘listen’ to the message.

Taking all of this into consideration, it would be no surprise that even as adults, a couple’s communication can come undone if one or the other is always triggering the other person’s child or parent, by expressing their words emotionally or by taking ‘charge’.

Effective communication is only arrived at through talking adult to adult, sharing thoughts and ideas that impact on the relationship itself.

Of course, when both parties agree, it is ok for them to be playful – child to child, or when it is necessary, when one or the other needs nurturing or taking care of – parent to ‘child’, but for most of the time, the relationship will grow best adult to adult.

Healthy communication between two people is what builds a long, loving, lasting intimate relationship.

Knowing HOW you communicate can be the beginning of understanding your communication style and how you can make it work for you and the relationships you have with the people you care about.

Admittedly, being able to communicate well is absolutely essential when living with others, and is also one of the hardest skills for anyone to master.

Good communication also encompasses attributes like openness, honesty, trust and respect, which I would like to look at in relation to communication and relationship breakdowns, but there is not enough room here to cover this, so I will continue in my next article…

As we all know, prevention is better than cure, but even if your relationship has disintegrated to the point of relationship breakup or breakdown, a regaining of understanding and forgiveness can bring you both back together again.

If you and your love have broken up and want to get back together, then there is help for you.
For more information about causes of relationship breakups, and how to rebuild your relationship again, I can recommend this book“The Magic of Making Up”, written by a guy who has helped thousands

Share on FacebookTags: Breakup · Causes · Communication · Relationship · UnderstandingThis post was written by:

admin – who has written 5054 posts on Dating.Businessvn.Net – Dating and Relationships.

Email This Author | admin’s RSSComments (0)There are no comments for this post.Trackbacks – Pingbacks (0)There are no trackbacks for this post.You must be logged in to post a comment. –>Recent Posts
One of the major causes of breakups  in relationships is…IVA advice: Get Instant Freedom From Your Stressful Life
When you are bounded with unmanageable debts problems and you…Romance Pros – Should You Date Your Friend?s Ex-Girlfriend?
When I was in high school, I got close to…Have Fun Attached to your Dating Experience, Without Cost!!!
“Dating should be less about matching outward circumstances than meeting…Relationship Breakup Causes – Understanding More About Communication
Unfortunately, as many people know, one of the major causes…Recent Commentshowtogetyourexback | 11-03-2010I am glad to catch idea from your article. ItPopular TagsAboutAdviceAfterBackBestBoyfriendBreakupCounselingDateDatingDebtDesireFemaleFindFreeFriendsFriendshipFromGettingGoodHealthHelpKnowLibidoLifeLoveMarriageMeetMoreNeedOnlineOverRelationshipRelationshipsSaveSexualSexuallyShouldSingleSinglesSitesStopTipsWaysWomenCopyright © 2010 Dating.Businessvn.Net – Dating and Relationships · Powered by WordPress Register · Log in ·XHTML

Powered by Yahoo! Answers

View the Original article

Since about 2000, the method of online communicating has boomed in popularity, making it so popular that it has now been integrated into our every day way of communication with friends, family, and co-workers. E-mail, video chat, and instant messaging text chat are all methods by which millions of people around the world use to communicate each and every day.

Below are some of the reasons why online communication technology has revolutionized the way that the human race maintains relationships with each other?

More Efficient
Online communication mediums like IM chat, social media, and voice chat allows people have conversations instantly. Questions and answers can be instant, in half the time it takes to phone a co-worker or walk over to their office. Many workplaces use instant messaging every day to initiate talks between co-workers and to and from supervisors.

More Regularity
Maintaining relationships with online communication methods is easier than attempting to talk regularly by phone or in-person. Users can talk whenever their friends or co-workers are online and available, instead of finding the time to set aside to talk to someone on the phone. Regular communication is key when maintaining healthy relationships with others.

More Convenient
This goes a long with the point mentioned above. Users can converse with others via instant messenger while they are working on other projects on their computer, like reports or email. In addition, talking to multiple people at once is probably the most efficient and convenient aspect of using online communication.

Using regular online communication doesn’t have to cost any money. There are many free programs out there that allow for free and unlimited communication with other users.

Kelsey Childress is the owner of Awen Creative and is a Social Media and Internet Marketing Specialist. One of her clients, Brosix, is a two time winner in the About.com IM awards. Read more at http://blog.brosix.com/brosix-wins-best-im-feature-of-2010-in-aboutcom-im-awards/. To try a free 30-day trial of Brosix, check out http://www.brosix.com.

Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kelsey_Childress

View the Original article

Since about 2000, the method of online communicating has boomed in popularity, making it so popular that it has now been integrated into our every day way of communication with friends, family, and co-workers. E-mail, video chat, and instant messaging text chat are all methods by which millions of people around the world use to communicate each and every day.

Below are some of the reasons why online communication technology has revolutionized the way that the human race maintains relationships with each other?

More Efficient
Online communication mediums like IM chat, social media, and voice chat allows people have conversations instantly. Questions and answers can be instant, in half the time it takes to phone a co-worker or walk over to their office. Many workplaces use instant messaging every day to initiate talks between co-workers and to and from supervisors.

More Regularity
Maintaining relationships with online communication methods is easier than attempting to talk regularly by phone or in-person. Users can talk whenever their friends or co-workers are online and available, instead of finding the time to set aside to talk to someone on the phone. Regular communication is key when maintaining healthy relationships with others.

More Convenient
This goes a long with the point mentioned above. Users can converse with others via instant messenger while they are working on other projects on their computer, like reports or email. In addition, talking to multiple people at once is probably the most efficient and convenient aspect of using online communication.

Using regular online communication doesn’t have to cost any money. There are many free programs out there that allow for free and unlimited communication with other users.

Kelsey Childress is the owner of Awen Creative and is a Social Media and Internet Marketing Specialist. One of her clients, Brosix, is a two time winner in the About.com IM awards. Read more at http://blog.brosix.com/brosix-wins-best-im-feature-of-2010-in-aboutcom-im-awards/. To try a free 30-day trial of Brosix, check out http://www.brosix.com.

Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kelsey_Childress

View the Original article

Unfortunately, as many people know, one of the major causes of breakups  in relationships is a break down in communication.

In  my last article, I touched on the concepts of the different communication styles of child, parent and adult. So, what do these styles ‘look’ like?

Starting with the child: this style is emotion based. When a baby is born, they have very little experience to draw from and therefore all their communication is based on feeling; feeling hunger, feeling wet and uncomfortable, feeling pain, feeling cold, hot, warm, feeling comforted, feeling safe etc.

As a child grows they learn more from what they see and what they experience and can then reason more, but initially they react to their surroundings and things and what is happening.

Every child needs a parent, so this is the next style someone is ‘exposed’ to. This is learnt by observing and being involved on the other side of the interaction. The parenting style is more about teaching, guiding, nurturing, placing boundaries, and simply giving instructions in order to teach and protect their child.

Lastly, as we all eventually grow up (smile), we learn an adult style of communicating. This is when we can express ideas, thoughts, and negotiate with someone in a way that preserves each person’s boundaries and respect, and come to a solution acceptable to both parties. Using the adult style of communicating means that the communicator chooses their response.

So, briefly, a child reacts, a parent guides, and an adult responds. The difference between reacting and responding is that a reaction is automatic – like a knee-jerk reaction and a response is a thought out choosing of how someone deals with what has happened and what they want to do about it. It is measured  action, rather than an instant reaction.

Lets look at an example to show these three styles.

Lets say the subject is choice of clothing for an event:

Child: Wants to wear the first colorful garment they see, whether it is appropriate for the outing and weather or not. If thwarted in their desire to wear a particular article, they will react in a number of different ways – shout, sulk, stomp, cry, or allow themselves to be distracted. Can be reasoned with when given a choice. Happy to wear skirt on her head, or shorts on his head!

Parent: Can gauge the weather and knows that this is an event where casual clothes will be good; going to a family picnic at the beach and the sun is bright. Gives child choice of light long sleeve t-shirt and board shorts and sun hat in two different colours – “You can wear this or that, you can choose” – very helpful to give a child an option so that they have some control over what they wear, then they have ‘chosen’ it within the boundaries Mum or Dad have set. Parent knows what style of clothing to wear and what they need to consider when thinking about the conditions.

Adult: Thinks for themselves. They know they need to wear clothing that will protect them from the sun, that will cover themselves appropriately for setting and the company they will be in. From past experience they have learnt what is acceptable in a family setting and would not show up in an evening gown or tux. If they are part of a couple, they might share what they each plan to wear and agree to color co-ordinate, and /or they would discuss what might be appropriate for weather conditions etc before making their decision on what to wear.

The child speaks from their emotions, where as the parent while still partially emotion-based has a more measured approach like that of the adult, and is thinking ahead for the child, guiding and teaching, setting the boundaries to teach and protect their child.

The adult speaks calmly having thought out what they are trying to convey in way that is easy to understand. They hear what is said and choose their response, where a child will simply react. An adult will seek to understand the message by using active listening skills and feedback techniques, where as a child is more an observer albeit a poor interpreter of what happens around them and what they hear. They also experience everything literally, where an adult can understand figurative concepts.

Adults readily look for a WIN-WIN situation when negotiating whereas a child is only thinking of ME.
Generally a child is not really willing to compromise, a parent shows how compromise works, usually provides two options, but has the final say and an adult looks to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties.

Knowing this can help you decide how you operate in different situations and help you understand some of the dynamics of your communicating style with your partner. Once you can see what is happening and why, it is simple to find a solution, if it needs fixing.

As we all know, prevention is better than cure, but even if your relationship has disintegrated to the point of relationship breakup or breakdown, a regaining of understanding and forgiveness can bring you both back together again. The first step is communicating ….

If you and you love have broken up and want to get back together, then there is help for you.
For more information about causes of relationship breakups, and how to rebuild your relationship again, I can recommend this book“The Magic of Making Up”, written by a guy who has helped thousands

View the Original article

Arguments come from having different points of views, brought out in louder voices. Therefore discussions can replace arguments and have the same impact. Then, why do people still argue?

Because people think that someone is trying to challenge them. When it comes to perspectives, people hate to be challenged. They feel that their pride, their intelligence is at stake, and thus put a high value at winning the conversation, and that leads to arguments as voices are raised. All these can be avoided with the right mindset.

Good communication has to take place if the relationship is to remain healthy. It consists of being honest, placing the person you love above the conversation, and knowing and valuing your own views. Good communication has to be part of a good life.

To curb arguments, we have to look at the roots of why they happen.

First, people are not 100% sure of how they feel. That is very common. Not everyone knows 100% of all the issues they know. Therefore, not right knowing your feelings, you barged into the topic and sense a fear of failure, and then you raised your voice to sound stronger.

Second, most people can’t speak very well. Therefore, they fail to find the right words in line with their feelings. This is a problem of language proficiency and speaking inadequacy. This is rife, but usually is not a major cause for concern.

And then some hold back their words for fear of provoking the other. This can be sensed by the other person, and will create tension because they feel you are suspicious of something but dare not voice it out.

Here are some tips. Be frank with yourself and the other person and do not hold back. If this is not the case, nothing good will come out of the conversation if you have unsolved issues just because you did not voice them. Speak softly at all times, even when the other is yelling. Communication is not about who’s voice is louder. Identify your views, and think of how best to voice them out. Always remember to be approachable, and stay that way so that people will know you are someone they can be straight with.

68% of the couples that seek counseling state that poor communication is the major stumbling block to a relationship. Apparently, average couples communicate for only 5 minutes a day, yet communication is the most important part of a relationship. Once we stop communicating, stop being affectionate or stop making love, we no longer have a relationship. Yes, its true that there are many couples who lack these three ingredients and are still together, as two very unhappy individuals.

Communication is not just verbal. It include every message, feelings and thoughts that we convey through eye contact, emotion or body language. The secret of effective communication is to know how to avoid the harmful interactions.

Poor communicators tend to debate about an issue or discussion, blame one another in order to boost their egos and find scapegoats. Everything to them is a competition and they are more interested in being right than a successful relationship. They perceive themselves as smart and knowledgeable and never tend to give an inch to others, consistently demand their own right of way. They are not focused on the relationship they share, only on the arguments, tending to be secretive, self righteous and in denial, so conditions are always tense as they compete for control. To them, the important is ‘who win’ and ‘who is right or wrong’ without being sensitive to others’ feelings or fears. For them, there is only and ever one way of doing things – their way. No one else method is valid or ever accepted.

Characteristics of poor communicators:

• Criticism - They usually have alot to critise, put down or blame for their partner. The trouble with blame is that it keep us focus on their partner and not able to see or aceept our own fault.
• Defensive - Neither partner will care about each other. Both are busy defending themselves from the blame or put down and getting their own point across.
• Sanity - Poor communicators are usually the ones who think that they are ’sane’, ‘reasonable’ and ‘caring’.
• Denial of Discussion – They response to criticism in a defensive manner, constantly denying and making excuses. They even blame their partner for being ‘emotional’, ’stupid’ or ‘mad’.
• Biased Perception – Usually, individual perceptions are biased, distorted or contradictory. They are also more likely to be exaggerated and angry instead of compromise.
• Straying from the issues – They tend to stray from the main issue and put the blame on their partner. Sometimes adding insults and complains without adding anything constructive.
• Mind reading -  They tend to ‘mind read’ or ‘psychoanalyze’ their partner. Usually, it comes together with rolling of eyes, mocking or interrupting constantly.
• Holding out – Poor communicators have great determination to hold out and never ‘give in’ until they win. Usually it ends with alot of anger or dead silence.
• Stonewalling - When the attacks get too much, or when they hear something they do not like, there is likely to be no response. Instead poor communicators withdraw from the situation in a self-righteous way (stonewalling), preventing any kind of discussion or resolution.

Now that you have learn about some tell tale signs of a poor communicator, check to see if you are the one who is poor in communication or is it your partner?